April 12, 2010 12:10 pm
As I watched the comments flowing in on my post about why all moms should be treated with respect, I was overwhelmed by just how many of you have been so deeply impacted by people or companies who questioned your ability to be a good mom – or tied being a good mom to the use of a particular behavior or type of product.
There are hundreds of readers here. So share your stories, mommas.
I’ll start… I’ve had many supportive women in my life over the last seven years of being a mom. One of those women is my mom. She has faithfully provided me with her thoughts about being a parent… but she has also been quiet when I just needed to figure things out on my own. I really love and appreciate my mom.
Tell me about your favorite supportive friend. Tell us about why she (or he) helped you feel like a good mom.
I won’t comment on the question posed today, but I will vent a longheld frustration with the brand NAMING of Goodmamas…(That’s what I expected the post to be on after reading it’s title.) I’d go to cloth diaper swaps and not feel like a good mom, because I wasn’t willing to pay more for one diaper than what my son’s entire outfit cost!! Enough said.
I am a professional student studying medicine and recently had my first baby. My husband and I love being parents. I especially connected with your post about treating moms with respect because I no longer breastfeed. I cannot even tell you how guilty I have been made to feel from “friends” and family and strangers at the grocery store while checking out with formula. The short story is, I struggled with PPD and started medication and couldn’t afford to take a maternity leave- so breastfeeding was difficult and I quit after 4 weeks. Being in the medical field I know how important breast feeding is. What I would have given for 6-12 weeks home with my baby! Bottom line is it didn’t work for us and I am a better mom now that I’m not crying myself to sleep about not breastfeeding. The next time I am judged I hope I have the courage to stick up for myself. Oh, and I expect many posts on here to counter my feelings.
I have a great friend who just moved two provinces away, but we are still close. We met as neighbors and instantly bonded. She was always that ear to listen, offer advice and pray for me! We have raised our babies together the past two years. I have always thought that as a mom you need that great friend that you can chat and have coffee together while the kids play, and when the kids are not around have a great time too! We do that well and I am so thankful that she has been a huge part of my life, even hundreds of miles away now…
My mom and my sister. Both strong women, both great mothers in very different ways. When I had my Boy (almost 2 years ago) I was a little shell-shocked. I didn’t know what to do and I was absolutely terrified of doing the wrong thing and scaring him for life. But they were awesome. They encouraged me and helped me to see the humor in motherhood. And while they listened they soothed those anxieties. And both of them took ample turns walking the floor with a very fussy baby so that I could eat a meal or just have 10 minutes of quiet time. I can’t imagine being a mom without them in my life.
Hey Anonymous (12:31pm)… my husband has been a SAHD for years… he only recently moved his office to the Cotton Babies warehouse. Oscar is in preschool now and Elsie comes to the office with us. It’s made a world of difference for him (in terms of being able to get things done). But we totally understand… dads get underestimated by our society. Thanks for the awesome comment!
I have found an amazing amount of support in this blog world. Perfect strangers who stop by and read a story or two of mine that empathize with me and comment on my thoughts and ideas. It can be hard to meet new friends beyond a certain age, especially as a full-time working mama, but in this blog world there are women supporting each other and cheering each other on. It is support that I didn’t expect, but am so happy to have found!
I think we already have so many issues as American mothers (not excluding international readers out there or dads), but as Americans we are told we have to be a size 0 less than 2 weeks after having a baby, we should never be hungry, our babies and our houses should always be spotless, laundry kept up, and start back on the old ‘baby makin’ bandwagon immediately upon the 6 week mark after having one. Dont’ forget gourmet meals and having dozens of guests to see your baby as soon as you are out of the hospital (in your spotless house). That’s what social media has painted for American families. Just thinking about it is exhausting. Quite frankly, I ignore most of that garbage and do what is right for ME, which is what is most important. I have really good friends who say, well knowing you, you might consider THIS, but if it were me I would consider THIS because of my life, etc. They don’t judge, and they listen to my point of view, etc. and help me figure things out instead of just telling me how they did it. It’s pretty cool.
I’m a stay-at-home dad who works from home and is the sole bread-winner for my family of three (wife is in a more-than-full-time grad school program). I work from my home-office with my three-month-old son (and loyal cottonbabies.com baby) by my side.
The best support I get (aside from that of my wife, of course) is that of all the folks in my neighborhood and city who — when the see me out with my son on a walk or running errands — DON’T say things like, “Oh, dad has the baby today, huh?” or treat me like I’m desperately trying to keep the baby alive until mom gets home to take back over the child-rearing duties.
As you said in the last post, “there are lots of dads out there too…we love you too.” It would be nice to see that sentiment displayed by more folks out there in the day-to-day world!
(If there are any dads out there reading this who feel like I do, check out “The Book of Dads” by Ben George. My wife just bought it for me, and it actually treats dads with respect, as opposed to most daddy books out there.)