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Dear kids,

It’s been less than 3 years since I became a mommy for the first time, but already my life is so different thanks to you both! In some ways, I’m a better person and mom than I thought I could be, and in other ways…I’m probably worse.

I don’t work out any more, for one thing. I don’t get up and journal and do yoga. I know I’ve been told I should do those things to “take care of me”, but instead I often blog or catch up on sleep. In one of my pregnancies (guess which one of you?) I didn’t even give up caffeine entirely, but stuck with my one-cup-a-day of coffee just to survive the 10 hour work days. A few times during both pregnancies, I actually ate meat! I wasn’t able to breastfeed you both as long as I wanted. Sometimes, around or after your first birthdays, I let you cry a little at night as you adjusted to sleeping through the night. I do give you goldfish crackers and honey O’s cereal, even though those are processed foods. I can’t find organic cottage cheese at any of our grocery stores anymore, so I gave up and now we’re eating regular cottage cheese. Not all of your bedding and towels are organic. There are a few of your plastic toys that I can’t verify are 100% BPA free. One of you is downstairs with Daddy RIGHT NOW eating pudding and watching cartoons before bed.

But I feel like there are a lot of things I am doing right, too. You are both so independent. After a little bit of a rough start around 6 months of age, you will now both go to Mother’s Day Out and childcare at church without any fuss and play happily until I come and pick you up. You both love books so much, surely that is a good thing – when you get older and my knowledge fails you, hopefully you can always go to a book (or the internet). When we go out, strangers always comment on what “happy baby/kids” you are, and it’s true. You’re both always smiling and laughing – with me and with each other. I hope that you will be good friends as you grow up together. If I screw something up in raising you, maybe you can talk to each other about it.

I’ve learned a lot of things too. How to exist on far less sleep than I ever thought possible, how to cloth diaper, how to laugh when I feel like crying, and how to share parenting duties with your daddy. I’ve found myself doing all kinds of homemaker-type things that I never thought possible, like making baby food and bread, cleaning with only vinegar and baking soda, and creating homeopathic remedies from kitchen ingredients and essential oils.

I pray that the things you learn from me over the years are the good things, and any of the ways that I fail will be forgotten. I hope that we can continue to laugh and grow together, even when it’s difficult. I will never give up on you, which is a believe I take from my faith in God, who has never given up on me.

My sweet little ones, I love seeing you grow! I am thankful for you every day!

Love, Mom