close

Your Cart

Your Cart is Empty
  • Subtotal
    $0.00
    Shipping
    Free
  • Total (before taxes)
    $0.00
When Delivery Doesn’t Go As Planned
January 19, 2011 6:02 am | by

One of the great joys of pregnancy is envisioning a beautiful, perfect delivery day. We plan those first moments when we meet our new baby as our family lovingly gathers around.

Maybe you wrote out your birth plan, carried it dutifully to your final doctor’s or midwife appointments, and made sure you had extra copies for all the nurses, doulas and attendants by your side for delivery. But life doesn’t always go as planned.
 
Personally, I’ve had three pregnancies, resulting in four children. The brief version goes like this: singleton, twins, singleton; vaginal delivery, vaginal delivery, c-section, VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). You do the math… there’s one definitely not as planned delivery in there. Actually only one of my deliveries went even close to my plan.
 
I’ll spare you the gory details, but my twin pregnancy resulted in what my obstetrician called “the delivery from hell”. No joke, she actually said those words to me the day after my sons were born.
 
So what’s a mom to do when delivery plans change in the middle of delivery? It may seem a little oversimplified but I’d say, have a baby by whatever means necessary. Most of us who have deliveries that don’t go exactly as planned, no matter the changes, we still have a healthy baby once it’s all said and done. Unfortunately, even with the amazing knowledge and technology we have today, not every family experiences a happy ending.
 
I recall a conversation with a friend a few years ago. I expressed how unhappy and uncomfortable I was about my two scars- one from a c-section, one from thyroid surgery. She shared with me wisdom her grandmother had bestowed upon her. I can’t recall the exact words, but the message was “Every scar on my body represents a time my life or my child’s life was saved.” Her words pierced my heart and forever changed how I feel about those (now fading) scars. I could be unhappy about the process, or I could choose to be thankful for medical professionals that did their jobs.
 
Sure, I recall the scary moments from delivery. I still have the photos of my son, 24 hours old, black and blue from his complicated delivery. He’s healthy today, all four of them are amazing, healthy children. Of course, I share my experiences with other moms when they ask. I tell them what I would have done differently. I share the things I know now that I wish I had known before. But most importantly, I choose to be thankful, no matter the process, that I can hold my children in my arms.
 
Did your delivery go as planned? If not, how did you deal with the feelings that follow an unexpected delivery? Share your story with us.

About the Author

Heather is mom to four, born within 40 months (single, twins, single). She writes transparently about her chaotic household to encourage others through the twists and turns of parenting.

Comments

35 Comments

  • Anonymous said...
    January 23, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    I agree with the post from earlier that doing research and knowing your options can help, BUT that doesn’t mean that things will go as planned. I did a TON of research (even watched TONS of natural deliveries videos on youtube even a csection delivery). I took the classes and everything. However, I didn’t expect to have to go to the hospital 5 days after my due date because I couldn’t breathe (possible PE, my CT scan was inconclusive). My midwife decided that she would induce me the next morning since I wasn’t progressing on my own and wasn’t breathing very well. My labor wasn’t horrible, but after pushing for 2 1/2 hours with baby not moving at ALL, I had to have a csection. It has been nearly two years, and I still hate it when I think back on my experience. Not to mention, my full term daughter ended up in the NICU. Something else that just happened and no amount of research could have helped with. The ignorance of some people who say things like “research helps you have the birth experience you want” is what makes mothers like me not want to tell people our birth stories for fear of criticism. Research helps a person be somewhat prepared, but it doesn’t help a person have a great birth experience. Knowing that things don’t always goes as planned doesn’t ease a person’s mind either. We all secretly expect to have the best birth experience no matter how unreasonable that is.

    My DD is absolutely wonderful and beautiful and very healthy now. I am so thankful for that. With #2 on the way now, the anxiety of my daughter’s birth has been heavy on my heart. None of the hospitals in my area will do a VBAC, so I know I will have to have a csection this time around. I’m trying to come to grips with that.

  • Rob and Nicole said...
    January 21, 2011 at 12:12 am

    The birth of my baby girl could have not been any better! I didn’t have a birth plan written and wasn’t expecting it to be perfect and I think that is why it turned out so amazing! I was induced in the morning, slept all day and delivered at 7:39pm. My husband, mom and sister were by my side. The delivery was so easy…I was truly amazed. I have a wonderful doctor and had a wonderful nurse. I am a nurse and know that things don’t always go as planned, I always just hope for the best!

  • Amy said...
    January 20, 2011 at 1:06 am

    I had hoped to have a natural birth without meds, but wasn’t opposed to an epidural if things started to get rough. Unforutnately, I developed high blood pressure and was placed on bed rest the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. Due to the high blood pressure, my doctor wanted to induce when I hadn’t gone into labor after 40.5 weeks. We headed to the hospital on a Monday night to start Cytotec. I had three doses throughout the night and started Pitocin Tuesday morning. By the end of Tuesday, we hadn’t progressed at all. I was allowed dinner and a shower, and then we stated the process again on Tuesday night; two more doses of Cytotec and Pitocin bright and early Wednesday morning. By Wednesday night, it was decision time. Try again Thursday or go home on bed rest. Knowing I’d be back after the weekend regardless, I decided to give it another try. Luckily, the Pitocin finally started giving me productive contractions and our precious baby boy entered the world on Thursday night…over 72 hours after arriving at the hospital. I had horrible back labor while on Pitocin and was begging for an epidural by Thursday morning. I was beyond exhausted, emotional and anxious to meet our little one. Thankfully, I only had to push 30-45 minutes. Our little man fought his whole way into this world and I ended up needing emergency surgery to stop the bleeding after he was born. While the whole labor and delivery process was far from ideal, the only thing that matters is that we had a healthy baby boy. And, magically, 6 months later, it all seems like a distant memory. I was amazed at how quickly I forgot the pain of it all. Though, I’ll still be hoping and praying for a much shorter delivery next time around.

  • HeatherB said...
    January 20, 2011 at 12:39 am

    my delivery didnt go ‘as planned’ in the way that i hadnt talked to my doctor AT ALL about what kind of pain management i would be using. i really wasnt too aware of the options. she also did not discuss with me having an episiotomy. so of course when it came time she just gave tons of things. local numbing shots, iv pain killers, and epidural (which they screwed up and had to be done FOUR times) and then i heard her say she wanted a scalpel to cut me while i was pushing and it freaked me out so i pushed harder when she said to stop pushing and tore from my almost 10 lb kid pushing out. i had a horrible doctor and kno better now to ask more questions next time! melissa i know what you are talking about. i was on pitocin for 12 hours and was threatened repeatedly with a c-section. i dont understand why doctors cant be more patient and allow our bodies to do what its supposed to do instead of trying to scare us!i dilated 5 cm too in 30 min after being threatened for the 4th time with c-section 🙁 and UGH they made me wait a week til i was over due too :/ but i got my boy out of all that hell so im happy with that!

  • Melissa Duckett said...
    January 19, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    We fought for our normal delivery. I was induced the day after my due date because the doctor didn’t think I was going to ever go into labor. I didn’t know better… so I said okay. Then when the pitocin got ugly, she brought up the c-section. I flat out wept. I wanted a natural birth–no pain killers, nothing. I had to cave for an epidural when my contractions were doubling up so they wouldn’t let up for 5-6 minutes (I was doing FINE, but they wouldn’t turn down the pitocin). Then I stalled on dilating. I wept. My husband cried. And when they came in to assess me to tell me I had no other choice, I’d dilated 5 cm in 30 minutes and was ready to push. So, at least I got that!
    I know a lot more now about what my body is capable of, and I’ll never let someone induce me again (especially not letting at least a week go by first). But I got a beautiful baby girl, and it was *almost* natural.

  • Yesenia said...
    January 19, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    I am a neonatologist & I have seen many complications. They say that pediatricians always have problems & I was certainly no exemption. I always planned on a natural vaginal delivery with no complications. But at 36 weeks I started having preterm labor & developed a potentially life threatening condition called preeclampsia with HELLP syndrome, not to mention that my baby was footling breech. So, I had to havethe dreaded c-section. But even though things did not gol as planned, I am thankful that I have a healthy baby & my condition did not get worse. The c-section was life saving for both me & my baby. I am happy to say that I was able to have a VBAC with my second baby with no problems.

  • Amanda M. said...
    January 19, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Thank God for 2 perfectly smooth delivery’s! #1 was very intense and painful doesn’t begin to describe it…but it went smoothly! #2…easy as pie.

  • Anonymous said...
    January 19, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    (continued from above post…)

    We had hoped for a natural birth. We had a birth plan but were 100% open to changing that plan if intervention meant healthy baby/healthy mama. Our birth was 27 hours total. We went into labor at 7:30 a.m. We labored at home for several hours and went to see our midwife at 1 p.m.. I measured 3 cm. & decided to go to the hospital. We checked in & immediately started to labor – walked, used the exercise ball, ate/drank water & monitored my blood pressure – was diagnosed with high blood pressure at about 38 weeks. 🙁 Was also Group B strep +, so got the antibiotics. Although I had to have the hep-lock, I was able to move as much as I wanted to move. The hospital & our birth team were amazing in letting us follow through with our birth plan. We were able to monitor a bit & then take the monitors off and change positions, etc. I even got in the bathtub at one point – great! At about 7:30 p I was still at 3 cm, so my midwife broke my water. I had meconium stained fluid, so we had to be monitored. From 7:30 p – 2:30 a I progressed only 2 more centimeters. 7 hours & only 2 centimeters?! At this point I thought I was going to be pregnant forever. 😉 The baby continued to be monitored & for a while it looked like baby was asleep – heart beat was not strong & due to not progressing my midwife started to worry about the baby. I was put on oxygen to see if this would help baby, but … no more progression & baby continued to look like she was sleeping. We knew about the natural alignment plateau & thought we just may be in that no-progression zone. We talked about it with our birth team & my husband & I knew something needed to be done. We were all scared about the possibility of a c-section. We knew we didn’t want to go that route, so we opted for pitocin to speed things up. At 2:30 a we requested the epidural. I knew my husband was considering everything our midwife was saying & analyzed the situation to make sure we were making the right choice, since we both wanted a natural birth so badly. I trusted him & trusted him when he said to go ahead with medical intervention. We weren’t about to experience pitocin contractions – end of story. I ended up needing 2 epidurals, because my body didn’t respond to the first… We were checked again at about 7 a.m. and were 8 cm. Once I progressed to 10, though, we pushed and had baby out in 15 minutes! Our daughter was born after 27 hours & we all were so thankful! I had a first degree tear but was so glad to have been able to have a vaginal birth! She went to my chest immediately for skin to skin time – we tried to breastfeed. She was alert & tried – so proud! The nurses checked her b/c of the meconium stained fluid – all done right in our room. Everything checked out – great apgar scores – very attentive girl!!

    We are so unbelievably blessed and I wouldn’t have had our birth experience turn out any other way – who knows what the outcome would have been. We labored naturally for 19 hours & then had to use medicine or deal with the possibility of needing surgery – that’s what happened and I’m having to deal with that as part of our birth story. For several days after the birth, I thought my body had let me down – but I have come to be ever-so grateful for my body, one that grew such a wonderful baby girl for 9 months. I’m so grateful & continue to look at our daughter and think, I can’t believe we made her!?!? 🙂

  • Anonymous said...
    January 19, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    (continued from above)

    We had hoped for a natural birth. We had a birth plan but were 100% open to changing that plan if intervention meant healthy baby/healthy mama. Our birth was 27 hours total. We went into labor at 7:30 a.m. We labored at home for several hours and went to see our midwife at 1 p.m.. I measured 3 cm. & decided to go to the hospital. We checked in & immediately started to labor – walked, used the exercise ball, ate/drank water & monitored my blood pressure – was diagnosed with high blood pressure at about 38 weeks. 🙁 Was also Group B strep +, so got the antibiotics. Although I had to have the hep-lock, I was able to move as much as I wanted to move. The hospital & our birth team were amazing in letting us follow through with our birth plan. We were able to monitor a bit & then take the monitors off and change positions, etc. I even got in the bathtub at one point – great! At about 7:30 p I was still at 3 cm, so my midwife broke my water. I had meconium stained fluid, so we had to be monitored. From 7:30 p – 2:30 a I progressed only 2 more centimeters. 7 hours & only 2 centimeters?! At this point I thought I was going to be pregnant forever. 😉 The baby continued to be monitored & for a while it looked like baby was asleep – heart beat was not strong & due to not progressing my midwife started to worry about the baby. I was put on oxygen to see if this would help baby, but … no more progression & baby continued to look like she was sleeping. We knew about the natural alignment plateau & thought we just may be in that no-progression zone. We talked about it with our birth team & my husband & I knew something needed to be done. We were all scared about the possibility of a c-section. We knew we didn’t want to go that route, so we opted for pitocin to speed things up. At 2:30 a we requested the epidural. I knew my husband was considering everything our midwife was saying & analyzed the situation to make sure we were making the right choice, since we both wanted a natural birth so badly. I trusted him & trusted him when he said to go ahead with medical intervention. We weren’t about to experience pitocin contractions – end of story. I ended up needing 2 epidurals, because my body didn’t respond to the first… We were checked again at about 7 a.m. and were 8 cm. Once I progressed to 10, though, we pushed and had baby out in 15 minutes! Our daughter was born after 27 hours & we all were so thankful! I had a first degree tear but was so glad to have been able to have a vaginal birth! She went to my chest immediately for skin to skin time – we tried to breastfeed. She was alert & tried – so proud! The nurses checked her b/c of the meconium stained fluid – all done right in our room. Everything checked out – great apgar scores – very attentive girl!!

    We are so unbelievably blessed and I wouldn’t have had our birth experience turn out any other way – who knows what the outcome would have been. We labored naturally for 19 hours & then had to use medicine or deal with the possibility of needing surgery – that’s what happened and I’m having to deal with that as part of our birth story. For several days after the birth, I thought my body had let me down – but I have come to be ever-so grateful for my body, one that grew such a wonderful baby girl for 9 months. I’m so grateful & continue to look at our daughter and think, I can’t believe we made her!?!? 🙂

  • Anonymous said...
    January 19, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    No amount of research can guide the outcome of how you’d like the birth of your baby to go. You can prepare, prepare, prepare, but it ultimately comes down to ‘baby is in charge’ and baby will come when baby is ready. My husband and I took Bradley classes prior to the birth of our little girl, exercised, read/watched videos/researched about natural birth methodology, counted our protein intake, drank water, etc. We thought we were ready & we thought we could plan this birth the way we wanted it done. When it comes time to birth your baby, your baby is in charge, not you.

    (see next post for birth story)

  • Catherine said...
    January 19, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    My labor was nothing like I thought/hoped it would be. My baby girl was POSTERIOR and I endured 30+ hours of back labor before getting an epidural. My labor still FAILED to PROGRESS with pitocin and I only dilated 6cm. After 48 hours of labor we ended up meeting Elena via C-Section.

    I agree with so many who posted before me that the end result is what matters – healthy baby. I will try going natural again but will not endure hours of needless labor.

    Advice: Educate yourself about stalled labor or “failure to progress in labor” so that you are prepared to handle it if it were to happen to you. I had no clue what was going on and just kept hoping that any minute I would dilate.

  • Biblical Catholic said...
    January 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Yes! Neither of my deliveries went exactly as planned. First was a planned home birth, but he was two weeks late and showing late decels, so had to go to the hospital, be induced for 20 hours, and then c-section when he didn’t descend and thick mec was found. Second, planned a VBAC and had a doula and very supportive in-hospital midwife. This time went into labor one week late and avoided induction, but labored for 30 exhausing hours before I got an epidural and pitocin (for exhaustion and baby not descending). SO close to a CBAC, but was able to deliver vaginally. He was blue and not responding at first; I had a 3″ internal tear and urinary retention that left me catheterizing myself for 5 weeks. But we are both healthy now… and wondering what #3 will bring.

    Melanie N

  • JLo said...
    January 19, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Two of my friends have lost their babies at 38 weeks so I know that no matter what happened to me, I have it way easier than they did.

    My first delivery was fairly textbook, drug free and natural with the exception of some pitocin when they discovered meconium. The worst part was actually the stitches afterwards!

    So when my second pregnancy became so complicated I was surprised. I ended up agreeing to a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks and as he was born they told me it was absolutely the best decision we could have made. He was so big that they struggled to get him out and he would never have made it through naturally.

    People gave me a lot of abuse for agreeing to a c-section so readily but having delivered a baby naturally I know what my body can do, and it couldn’t do that. I’m happy knowing that my son wasn’t subjected to a stressful labor or endless hours of drugs, especially because he ended up being born with a spinal cord defect that eventually required surgery, but it drives me crazy that I have to constantly defend my choice.

  • Evie said...
    January 19, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    10 days before my due date, my water broke and my OB was on his honeymoon in Europe!!! 15 hours later, I still was not dilated, effaced, or having contractions. In that time, 2 on call doctors had spoken with the nurses and the on call midwife had come to see me. We tried all of her suggested techniques to induce labor, but to no avail. On call doctor #2 to was at another hospital with a VBAC patient and couldn’t leave to come talk with us at any point during the 18 hours I was “her” patient.
    At 5 am, I was started on Pitocin and actually met on call Dr. #3 at 8 am, 24 hours after my water broke. I had an epidural about 9:30, at 7 centimeters dilated. I was 10 centimeters by noon, the Dr. I had met in the morning came about 12:15, I started pushing, and my perfectly healthy daughter was born at 12:54pm. Since then we’ve joked that I was the perfect patient for an on call Dr., he delivered over his lunch break and didn’t miss seeing a single patient at his office!! I only had a slight episiotomy.
    I feel that the induction and epidural did nothing to harm my labor, but I did feel extremely stressed relying on phone calls from doctors I had never met determining my care without even seeing me. The midwife that came to see me was rude and extremely abrupt. I hope she was having a bad day and didn’t treat all of her patients as she did my husband and I. The nurses did more to make my husband and I feel empowered to make our own decisions about labor and delivery than the midwife did. This surprised me greatly. Had it not been for those two extremely compassionate and understanding nurses, I think my labor would have been much worse.

  • Anonymous said...
    January 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Aww, I have a reminder on my belly, too. Even my scheduled c/s didn’t go exactly as planned, but both of my babies are healthy. The term birth plan makes me smile a little. Babies often have a way of reminding us that we’re not in charge. 🙂

  • rhiannon said...
    January 19, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Mine didn’t go how I imagined, but overall I was lucky. I was planning a natural birth at a free standing birth center with midwives. At 39 weeks I started itching and was diagnosed with Cholestasis of Pregnancy. This carries an increased risk of still birth and other issues. Normally they induce at 37 weeks for this, but obviously I was symptom free until that point. So they gave me until my due date to go into labor and said I could still go to the birth center if that happened. It was a lot of pressure! We did several intense membrane sweeps, accupuncture, and castor oil. By then I was already about 4-5 cm.

    The next day I went in for my induction at the hospital that they all assured me would go really fast because I was already so dialated. They started on low pit and upped it every 15 minutes. A couple hours later I was bouncing on the ball when my water broke. Yay! We were sure it would happen fast at that point!

    No, that’s when things got INTENSE. I was having what other people have told me must have been something similar to transition feelings, but not progressing. About 5 hours of back-to-back contractions and I finally accepted some Nubain, which helped somewhat. When it wore off they said I couldn’t have more for another hour, and I was only 5-6 cm. At that point I took the epidural. Another 20 hours later and I was finally complete with a lip of cervix which the midwife held back as I pushed. Two hours of pushing and my beautiful baby girl was born.

    Being at the hospital was such a pain, I had to feel like an outlaw if I dared to eat or drink anything, and being hungry was a big part of my issue. I don’t do well with hungry. The pitocin contractions were very intense. But my biggest fear is the reoccurance rate for Cholestasis of Pregnancy. I’m scared that if we have another baby it’ll go the same way, but even earlier.

  • Valerie said...
    January 19, 2011 at 11:03 am

    I agreed to an induction when I went past 40 weeks. I was having terrible blood pressure spikes, protein in my urine, and was borderline GD. I had measured 40wks+ since 37 weeks, so my doctor was definitely concerned about his size. I had an 18 hour induction that included Cervadil and pitocin, and nothing was happening. In fact, I was “maxed out” on the allowed induction amounts of pitocin and I was not contracting nor was a dilated. Seriously, not dialated one little bit, almost as if I never even went in for an induction. I was locked up like SuperMax! I was given the option to repeat the the induction the next day or have a c-section. My OB told me there was a 50/50 chance of having a successful induction on the 2nd day. I privately asked my nurse what her experiences were, and she agreed it was 50/50, but also said she had never seen somebody go through a full induction with absolutely no change to the cervix. Since my natural birthing plan was already out the window, I opted for the c-section. Everything went smoothly. When they took my son to the nursery while they stitched me up, a nurse told my husband the cord was wrapped around my son’s neck twice. After hearing that, I was kinda glad I opted for the c-section because I knew we avoided a potentially scary situation should the cord have caused an issue w/ a vaginal delivery. Was a c-sec what I wanted? No. In the end do I really care? No. Would I do it again? Yes.

  • Brendacthom said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I had finished nursing school about 3 months prior to my first daughter’s delivery. I have always loved the idea of natural births, home births, water births, ect; but having the knowledge base that I do, I felt a hospital setting was best for me. Many things can go wrong during deliveries, I even though I am fan of less interventions, I feel you need to trust the professinals to get you and your baby safely through the delivery.

    I was induced because of post dates (intervention #1: regret). Not what I was hoping for. I asked for an epidural after 5hrs of labor (intervention #2), though I had hoped to not have one. I can’t say I regret this but I was really disappointed in myself. I pushed for over 2 hours when my doc said she wanted to do an episiotomy (intervention #3); at this point I knew my daughter had been crowning for too long and though it probably would have been fine without the cut, it was safer to get her out sooner than later. I trusted my doctor’s opinion, she was the expert, not me and my daughter was born safe and sound.

    My second delivery went better than any birth plan (I don’t write birth plans because I know they can cause unreasonable expectations), though it went a bit too fast for the water birthing tub to be set up in my hospital room as planned. Who can complain about a quick labor though!? 6hours of early labor; water broke; immediatly hard, active labor began with contractions 2-3 mins apart; 3hrs later my daughter was born safely onto my chest. No epidural, No IV, I was never even hooked up to a heartbeat monitor (the nurse just held the monitor to my tummy when she need to check baby’s heart beat).

    I am expecting my 3rd baby in July. I know that just because my second delivery went so well it doesn’t mean this next one will be so smooth. I trust my midwives and my own abilities and the only thing that matters is the saftey of my and my baby:0)

  • ShortyRobs said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:40 am

    I had a c-section with my first (after being induced for premature rupture of membranes and failure to progress). And a VBAC with my second. Both were attempts at 100% natural births. Neither went perfectly as planned.

    I agree that a healthy baby is the MOST important part of delivery, however, to say that birth is not important, is minimizing the natural feelings that go along with delivery. Every mom’s goal of birth is to deliver a healthy baby, but birth does matter and can have lasting effects on a mother. Every woman’s experience/ feelings are different.

    I think the biggest most important thing for me after the disappointment I felt in my son’s c-section delivery was simply acknowledging that my feelings were valid and that it didn’t mean I loved my son any less. One can be perfectly in love with their healthy baby and still grieve the birth if it didn’t go as planned. Minimizing my feelings / pretending they weren’t there only served to further put me into a depression, however, allowing myself to feel the grief and then work through it (with a great counselor and group of support women), has allowed me to get to the point of peace.

    Love this article http://www.birthtruth.org/grateful.htm

  • Samantha said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:39 am

    My first pregnancy I had wanted a natural delivery-no drugs, no interventions. We even hired a doula. My water broke at 41.5 weeks at 1:30am. I labored at home and had erratic contractions until 10am when we decided to head into the hospital with our doula. I was checked and only at 1.5cm. They let me walk around until 1pm, my contractions were still not putting me into labor. We started pitocin. I labored without pain medication until 7pm. I was “slow-dancing” with my husband and would drop and squat with every contraction. Then they made me go into the bed because they had to continuously monitor me. After 5 hours I had only dilated to 2cm. Laying down I was in horrific pain, I begged for an epidural. 8pm my blood pressure dropped and I started passing out. They put in internal monitors to keep track of the baby. They actually had to put it in twice, because the first time wasn’t placed correctly. At 9pm I had dilated to 3cm. I slept off and on all night, at 4am (26 hours after my water broke) I asked to be checked. The doctor refused to come into the room. By then my epidural had stopped working and I was laboring without any sleep, food or endorphins. The doctor finally came in at 6:30am, checked me in the middle of a contraction and said “oh you are almost at 4cm. good job. keep going”. I started sobbing and saying “something isn’t right, he doesn’t want to come out” My nurse, doula and husband felt so bad for me. After the shift change a different doctor came in at 8am (29 hours) and said I was only at 3cm and the baby was not engaging at all. We had to discuss “other options”. I told him something wasn’t right. They prepped me for a c-section, turned off the pitocin and removed the epidural. I was taken back at 11am (34 hours) and given a spinal.My son was born at 11:17am. I was laying on the table, strapped down, behind a sheet and the doctor started counting “One, Two, Three, Four, Five” and I started to panic and saying to my husband “Is he ok, why isn’t he crying? Is my baby ok?” and then the doctor said that the cord was around his neck 5 times. We later found out that there was an infection in my placenta and he never engaged in my pelvis. My doctor would never say it, but several nurses and my doula did, that he would have either never made it if he had been a vaginal delivery or I would have been an emergency c-section when his heart rate started to drop. My labor was not what I wanted or planned, but I do believe that my insistence saved his life.

  • Izabella said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Both of my daughters came early. My first daughter who is now 9 was delivered vaginally at 31 weeks due to high blood pressure. She was in the NICU for 8 weeks. I had her birth all planned out right down to what I would wear to the hospital. It all fell apart the night before she would be born. At 28 weeks they realized I had pre-eclampsia and would need steroid shots to start prepping her lungs for an early due date. I went home with strict orders to call if I got a headache or fever or just didn’t feel right. So long story short… I went in on May 22nd and had our daughter the following evening. She was 8 weeks early weighed 3lbs 1oz.

    Our second daughter was a miracle to begin with. After we had Izabella they discovered I had PCOS and would need fertility clinic help to get pregnant again. We started trying for baby #2 in 2004 I went to a specialist for 5 years with no luck. In Oct of 09 we decided that was enough, we were giving up on our chance for a second baby. In April 10 I found our I was pregnant! What joy we were so happy!!! I webt straight to the ob and began cares. At 24 weeks I began having contractions and some bleeding. Went to my ob and was rushed to the hospital to be put monitored and put on bed rest. I was able to get the 25 weeks then my water broke. I had a c section and our second daughter was born 15 weeks early. We still do not know why… We spent 111 days in the NICU. She is home and getting stronger every day. I’ve learned that babies will come when they are ready plan or no plan.

  • Nicole Poest said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:37 am

    My deliveries went better than I expected(all very short and easy) BUT my pregnancies were NOT what I had expected!
    My first DD I was put on bed rest the last two months b/c of high blood pressure and she was 1 week late.
    My second DD I had a great pregnancy no complications at all!
    My third. DS I once agian was put on bed rest in the last few months b/c of high blood pressure.
    My fourth DD was the most difficult. I had Placenta Previa, so I had to take it easy most of my pregnancy and no extra work or heavy lifting. Try toting around a 15-18 month old when you have those restricitons. Thankfully the placenta moved and I delivered her vaginally 9 days late!

  • Charity said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Neither of my two deliveries went as planned. For my first, everything happened so quickly and not to plan. I was being prepped for an emergency c-section and ended up deliverying vaginally because she came so fast. Without going into the details of why (long story), afterward I felt betrayed by my body (though not by the doctors). I was determined for the next time to go more smoothly, to plan better, to be better prepared for the eventualities.

    In my second pregnancy, when I found out I was having twins, and when one stubbornly refused to turn head down, I was prepared to have a c-section. I’d been told that the odds of doing otherwise were minimal and I’d come to terms to that. Again, things didn’t go as planned, but this time in a good way! Again, my labor was way too fast — they were prepping me for the c-section, waiting on an ultrasound to check twin B’s position, when I felt the need to push. This started the (very fast!) chain of events that made me able to deliver both girls vaginally, against all my expectations. Yes, they had some NICU time (five weeks early), but everyone, including me, is very healthy and happy.

  • Anonymous said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:35 am

    I had a text book normal pregnancy, I was healthy, exercising and researching everyday. I decided I wanted a home delivery. I was 8 days past due when I went into labor and labored counting at least for about 25 hours. My child was born with the cord around the neck 3 times (I was later told) and that was why labor was so slow and painful. I have a healthy child by the way.

    Had it gone as spotless and perfect as on all the videos and stories maybe I would still be an advocate for it, but not after finding out what complications can happen so quickly. I’m petrified my second pregnancy will end up like that, I will be seeking modern hospital medical technology as soon as I go into labor.

    The end result is: don’t take chances. “Your birth plan” may have nothing to do with your body or your baby’s plan. I have decided it’s not even MY BIRTH PLAN it is my child’s Birth Story and now all I care about is that they live to know it.

  • Kindra said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:34 am

    My delivery did not go as planned… I went from natural delivery to c-section when his heart rate dropped to 50. While I am exceedingly glad they got my little man out quickly, I still struggle with feelings of failure. I was at 7 when they took him out… soooo close. Your words of wisdom made me cry. So very true!

  • Priscilla said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Great post! My delivery went pretty much as planned except for a few glitches–needing an epidural earlier than I thought and pushing for a longer time than I had imagined, but it worked out well. My post-delivery however wasn’t what I had planned at all–I had post-partum anxiety disorder and was pretty miserable until my OB saw me and immediately prescribed some medication to help. I felt so ashamed and disappointed, especially about needing medication, but I am so glad I took it. It helped so much and I was able to start enjoying our new family! I’ve talked with a lot of moms who had an idea about labor/delivery/recovery that didn’t work out and I think it is totally natural to feel sad, angry, and to grieve for what we believe we “lost”, but it is so good to look at our little ones and know that we have such a blessing in the very fact that they are with us! I can just look at my daughter and the fact that I am blessed to be her mom and it helps to put all the negative into perspective.

  • Anna said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:31 am

    My first delivery did not go as planned. Everything went well for the first 7cm, but when I chose to have an epidural out of fear of what was to come, the last 11 hours of my labor while virtually pain-free, resulted in a 4th degree tear, brusies on my baby’s head from the forceps, and a feeling of disconnection from my newborn baby.

    When I woke up the day after his birth, all but the aftermath of my tear simply melted away. We nursed in perfect unison, a dance we were able to continue for 27 months, and our life together truely began.

    While I worry about the quick jump to c-sections that seem to take place in this country, it is true that those surgeries save baby’s lives. I think the key is for moms to be educated in their decision-making ability, and to trust that their doctor or midwife has their and their baby’s best intentions in mind.

    My first birth experience was not what I hoped it would be, but I have since chosen a new doctor and feel prepared to try again for what I hope our August 2011 birth can be. But in all honesty, as long as this baby and I go home healthy, how he/she gets here is just one small detail.

  • Whitney said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:31 am

    I had one vag del with an oncall OB after mine took a trip to the Caribbean – a Dr I later found out had his license revoked in 6 other states due to malpractice. let me labor for 5 days, 3 epidurals, a full episiotomy, forced mirror after I refused, reached in with both hands to pull out my DS, then kept telling me I was lying and to shut up while I was screaming that I could feel him sewing me up – after which he leaned over and stage whispered to my now ex-husband “I sewed her up tighter for you.” Baby wrapped in cord 3 x’s around chest and neck.

    My second was hell by everyone’s standards but mine. Natural childbirth with CNM- 18 hours, 2 hours of pushing, baby at 0 station then decels. She flipped OP transverse at a 0 station, stretching her neck to a 90′ angle, cutting off her own airway. Prepped for ER CSec after all other attempts to change her back failed and we were losing her. Uterus ruptured, ER CS a success while having to listen to OB/GYN converse with the anesthesiologist about how he was loving that his wife left him bc he could finally get the media room with wall-size projection screen he wanted and he loved watching picture-in-picture porn. healthy baby and a whole lotta happy hormones. Baby wrapped in cord 3 x’s around neck and chest.

    Planned CS after major car accident damaged back and neck in 1st trimester. went into early labor 1 hour prior to surgery. Healthy baby with cord wrapped 3 x’s around neck. up and about 12 hours later.

    Non of these were as planned but all resulted in healthy baby/healthy mama afterward so we were thrilled subsequently each time.

  • My This N That Life said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:31 am

    3 babies…NONE according to “plan!” My first was a scheduled induction at 39 weeks. Everything was fine until I hit 5 cm and stopped progressing, despite being in hard labor. I had an epidural even though I’d always said I wouldn’t, and while it relaxed me enough to progress, m recovery was SO long! I pushed for 2 hours and then the doctor vacuumed her out. She said she’d give it one try and if it didn’t work I’d have a csection. She was sticking on my pelvic bone AND the cord was wrapped around her neck.

    #2 I insisted I would NOT be induced. Unfortunately I developed pre-eclampsia and was induced at 38 weeks. Delivery went fine, no epidural this time, but from my first contraction (2cm dilated) until he was out was 45 minutes! He was severely jaundiced, though, and had craniosynostosis, a deformity of the skull…so things were anything but “normal.”

    I went into labor on my own with #3…at 37 weeks. I easily progressed to 6 and then stopped for 12 hours. I would have gone home, but there was a snowstorm and I live 15 minutes from the hospital…and with the quick delivery of #2, we didn’t think it was a good idea! When labor started again (thanks to my water being broken by my doctor) I was at 7 cm…and my little stinker was OUT within 15 minutes. Holy cow…my smallest, most difficult, most painful delivery!

    If there’s another one, I’m just gonna go with the flow…

  • Christine said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:23 am

    My plan was to go natural. I have a high tolerance for pain and figured I could handle it. However, I had severed Gestational Diabetes and the hospital required that I be on an IV drip of Insulin and sugar to keep my levels accurate during labor. This required me to be in bed the whole time. I must say that laying in bed is excruciating during labor. I did get to about 7 cm before I decided that was all I could handle. However, I am glad I did because my son stopped responding around 9cm and I was rushed to the OR. They had him out in minutes and come to find out the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. They had given me the choice whether to proceed or have a c-section and something in my mom gut told me to get him out now! We also found out soon after he was born that there was something seriously wrong. (we found out weeks later) that some kind of virus had attacked my son in utero and caused his entire system to go out of whack. We spent weeks in the NICU and have had 2 other hospitalizations after that. He is getting better everyday, but looking back I am so glad that I didn’t stick to my birth plan and followed my mommy instincts. If I hadn’t, he may not have been here today!

  • Secret Mommy said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:16 am

    So true. Neither of my 2 have gone the way I’d imagined/planned for/hoped. But my boys are healthy, happy babies and I recovered as well. Though I do hold on to some lingering disappointment (and even a bit of anger at my first ob/gyn) I still agree that the ultimate goal (healthy babies, healthy mama) was achieved.

  • Megan said...
    January 19, 2011 at 10:00 am

    My first pregnancy/delivery went perfect. Normal pregnancy and at 39.5 weeks my water broke. I went to the hospital, ended up on pitocin, got my epidural, and pushed her out in 15 minutes. 13 hours from the time my water broke until she came out.

    5 years later baby #2 is on the way. Perfect normal pregnancy up until 30 weeks. I had my routine everything is fine appointment that day. I was there for maybe 10 minutes total. That night my water broke. The next day I was sent to a hospital 3 hours away from home where they could handle a 30 weeker if he decided to come out. I spent 4 weeks there in bed having my vitals checked every 3 hours.

    I feel like I had time to get used to the idea of having an early baby. The goal was to get my to 34 weeks without going into labor or getting an infection. We made it and I was induced at 34 weeks on the dot. I knew he’d be tiny but he had been sitting for 4 weeks with the steroids to strengthen his lungs. I knew he’d spend a bit in the NICU but hopefully not too long.

    I made it to 8cm with #1 before getting the epidural and figured I’d try going au natural with #2. By 4cm I was dying and needed it! Thankfully I ‘caved’ and got one because a few hours later they lost his heartbeat. They rolled in the ultrasound machine and still couldnt see it. I was unhooked and rolled to the OR in record time. It was insane. Csection was NOT part of my plan and I was bawling the whole way there.

    Once on the table they found his heartbeat and decided to check me and avoid the csection. His feet were hanging out! He had flipped which caused all the drama of not finding his heartbeat where it was before. I ended up delivering him breech. I remember them all yelling at me to push HARD and that his head got stuck…and that they cut my cervix to get him out. His arms and legs were swolen and bruised from the pulling. It felt like it took HOURS to get him out. It was a total of 10 minutes from the time they started rolling me down the hall until he was delivered.

    Totally not my plan AT ALL when I found out I was pregnant!

  • Beth said...
    January 19, 2011 at 8:57 am

    I have to say that my delivery went almost exactly as planned. We had planned to have no interventions and labor as naturally as possible. I labored at home for almost 10 hours and when I got to the hospital, I was 8cm dilated. The only “intervention” we really had was I asked for my water to be broken when I was about 9.5 cm dilated. While I know I’m extremely lucky that things went the way we had planned, I think a big reason they did was that my husband and I both researched and knew a lot about what should or shouldn’t happen. My husband knew exactly what stage of labor I was in (to know whether it was time to go to the hospital or not). At one point, the nurse wanted to put an internal monitor on his head and my husband knew exactly what to tell her (absolutely not) and really, she was just using the equipment wrong. We were prepared by doing our research and that’s the best advice I can give anyone.

  • Jill said...
    January 19, 2011 at 8:32 am

    3 weeks early my water broke. The nurses at the hospital said I had to have pitocin. We had just moved to the area and my own doctor (whom I love, but had only met once)–took a day off and her partner was on call. Her partner didn’t come in until I’d been pushing for 4 hours, ramming my daughter’s head into my pelvic bones. She was turned the wrong way. That’s after the nurse came in at hour 15 with no meds and said ‘oh I’ve had you turned up too high’–I’d been having ‘end stage’ contractions for 5 hours in the middle of it all thanks to the pitocin dose. You know the kind where you have time to take appx. 1/2 breath before the pain hits you again. FIVE HOURS. After being turned back down for 5 hours I finally submitted to some ‘sleep’ drugs and then the epidural. I’d been awake for appx. 2 full days by then–lucky me, my water broke at 8 pm on Wed. Oh did I mention that the first epidural didn’t take? I could feel the catheter being inserted. So they gave me a second go and I finally got some much needed relief after 24 hours of labor. I mentioned pushing for 4 hours before the doctor got there, right? Apparently they tried turning my daughter in utero, but couldn’t get it done. So I ended up with a C Section. Too bad the doctor didn’t come and check on me when I WENT INTO LABOR EARLY and they could have discovered the wrong turning before putting me through what I consider labor hell. Nothing was natural, nothing was normal about it. My daughter was delivered by C Section just after midnight Friday morning. I’m sure there are worse stories, but it was pretty awful. Had my labor progressed normally, it would have been a disappointment to know that I had to have a C Section anyway, but I feel like I was put through a heck of a lot I shouldn’t have been, had the doctor taken the time to just show up and check on me. Basically, I took the whole thing badly. I had a hard time bonding with my daughter, I cried for hours, I felt like I had let myself down, let my mom down (she had 3 natural labors, of course) and was overall a huge failure. It took a couple of months, but it finally dawned on me that I had done everything right, and that there was nothing I could have done to make it go any better. I’m resolved to do the best I can the next time around, to be a better advocate for myself, and make dang sure that the doctor checks on me within the first few hours so I’m not in the same position again. If I have to have a C Section, I do, but I’d rather try natural labor this time, you know, naturally and not artificially induced with ‘the devil drug’.

  • Sarah said...
    January 19, 2011 at 7:35 am

    My first delivery didn’t go as planned. After being induced at 41 weeks and convincing the doctor to let me deliver vaginally, forceps had to be used. When my daughter was born we discovered she was a “floppy baby” and later diagnosed with a genetic disorder. Recovery from the forceps while pumping around the clock and living in a NICU was hell.

    I have PTSD from the delivery and moments after delivery and now that I’m pregnant again I’m terrified that things will go the same way. This time there is no birth plan. The plan is to deliver the baby as safely as possible with the least amount of trauma possible.